The Sacred Pause.
I recently took a 10 day break from being online. No Instagram, No Facebook, No TikTok, No Scrolling. The first couple of days were the most difficult and I quickly became aware of just how often I reach for my phone. By the third day I started to notice the quality of my own energy and the more I sat with myself, the more I identified just how burnt out I was.
Once I admitted it to myself, I quickly felt ashamed that I had somehow let myself get here...again. As if seemingly, I had led myself down this path of misery, suffering and exhaustion by choice. But through the space I had regained by not being on my phone and filling my spare time with distractions, I was able to soften into how I was feeling and drop into myself and my experience even more. What I gave myself was permission, to let go of the expectations that I was holding over my own head...
The expectations I felt I should be living up to as a business owner, as an entrepreneur, as a sister, a woman, a spouse and a friend... I started to recognize that I was deeply out of touch with myself, my spirit, my longing, my passion, my creativity and essentially my natural state of being. Since I started The Light Journey in 2016, I haven't really stopped. I haven't taken a break from doing, from hustling, from learning, from trying to grow a business, or making products or hosting circle. With all that said, I acknowledge my blessings and I am grateful to be one of the lucky ones that made it through COVID without losing everything but at the same time, I too have faced challenges and setbacks during these difficult times and I am still recovering from them. In the midst of trying to keep going, to stay afloat, I found myself on autopilot, in a state of stress, fear and sleepwalking through my routines each day until eventually, I started disconnecting from the passion, joy and happiness that fuels me.
I have to admit that I lost sight of my WHY, the reason that I started this journey in the first place. I became disconnected from myself, my inner child, the part of me that had to experience the darkness to find the light - the truth of my experience, who I am and WHY I am here. This invaluable gift was given to me, again, after 5 days of being offline. I write again, because another valuable insight I had in the space that was created by taking this Sacred Pause - was that this journey of awakening and healing is a process of remembering and forgetting and we can either allow this to humble us in our human experience, or let it create further suffering by holding ourselves accountable to some impossible standard.
Once I was able to surrender to the flow and let go, instead of applying force - by creating a narrative of all the things I "should" be doing; what a Reiki practitioner should act like, how an entrepreneur should conduct business, what someone who is "spiritual" should be doing, etc. I found myself starting to feel more in alignment. I energetically felt lighter, physically I had more energy and felt more rested, I was waking up earlier in the morning and staying up later. Emotionally, I started to feel more happy, cheerful and playful. My creative side has become more expressive and I feel reconnected to the source of energy that drives it.
About 8 days in, I started to notice that I was more present in my interactions with others, more attentive and involved. I felt more connected with what was happening around me and more content when I didn't have something to do - It felt easier and more natural to just be.
I spent more time in nature, in quiet contemplation and I wrote. I meditated and listened to my heart, I started listening to podcasts and am thinking about starting my own! By the end of the 10 days, I no longer felt the nudge or desire to look at or check my phone. I had gained so much time, energy and space through the Sacred Pause - by reconnecting with myself, by validating myself and honoring the truth of who I am.
May this inspire you to lean more fully into yourself; to your own inner sanctuary, to find peace, to access your own potent healing medicine and to remember the truth of why you are. May you find yourself there, more deeply.